Cries of Disdain

Oh Grandmother, how it ails me to see you suffer so. How close we once were, but how hurt I became that you turned away and only cared about love. At least I learned that everyone leaves, everything changes and nothing is reliable. I will always treasure my memories with her; the good times. But it hurts that I never got the chance to tell her that or how I missed her when she stopped seeing us as much. I am responsible as well for not doing more, not doing enough. 

I've always felt alone, I've stated it before; but the true pain of solitude has never been more present. Days go by and the only contact I have is from listening to Twitch streams, and in between from family members. Be happy, don't cry now, you've cried so much. Everything ends, we all know it. You won't miss me, no one ever does. 

While I wallow in self-pity, as per usual, I see myself going down the dark path. It only gets worse, and I only have myself to blame.