Poacher's Pride

I feel quite alone in a way I never seem to be able to satisfy. People seem to be elsewhere when you spend time with them; and I don't know if they have changed or if I am the one who has changed. Packing my bags and moving wouldn't solve nearly as much as I wish it would, the problem still lies with me. I often think about killing myself and seeing it as the only way out, and while I hold that thought still it's not easy to go through with. It is the only way to truly escape the shackles of my own mind; the prison where I've lived for years in. I can hardly go outside anymore and I don't even want to meet my friends. Too many concerns, too much OCD and instabilities. 

The swan sang with a broken neck

Out by the pool, behind the fence

You can't forgive me when

you know if I had the gun I'd chose to shoot again