Included but secluded.

I hate New Years Eve. I don't really know why. I've tried lots of different things during the years incuding the "normal" activities other people seem to like; one year I was actually in the town centre and at some party my classmates had invited me to, but I didn't really like it. I guess I was curious, I had never been to something of the like and suppose I had some innocence left back then. I wanted to enjoy it because everyone else did, but I really didn't. I wanted to go home and be alone, be miserable in peace. That's the thing, I never felt less lonely no matter what I did. Another year I was with a few friends at his place and had a nice dinner, which was fun but also a draining experience. I never felt like I belonged anywhere, and I guess I never will.

I will forever feel alone and alienated but at the same time I am cursed with not having enough social energy nor mental health to make it go away. I don't really know where I am going with this, I am rambling and the text is not really cohesive nor makes much sense. It is 2am and my brain just simply won't be quiet.

I have always been like this, I just don't know why I bothered trying before. yeah well whatever happy new shitty year, see if we will make it through it one more time