2018

I haven't been nearly as active as I wanted to on this blog or well anywhere where I wanted to be. Except for League I don't think I've been active at all this year. It's been a rollercoaster and it's mostly been shit. I've been to so many doctors appointments for different reasons, it was discovered I have diabetes, both my two oldest guinea pigs passed away this year at different times, I've been extremely anxious, been very sick from blood sugar stuff and yeah idunno I guess that's the worst I remember anyway. Good point is I bought two new guinea pig just at the end of the year and played some good games, and oh discovered some good music. Better than nothing.

However looking forward (for now anyway...) would be to write about New years resolutions.

1. Read more books and novels. 
2. Write more. 
3. Draw and paint often. 
4. Exercise and lose more weight.
5. Discover new music. 
6. Start something new. 
7. Be serious in learning top and midlane in League. (I only really like the mechanical champs and should stop being afraid to practice them.)
8. Take more pictures.
9. Remember that it's never too late to kill yourself, so calm down. 

Make hentai; not war. 

- Coppernicus f;2917

Poacher's Pride

I feel quite alone in a way I never seem to be able to satisfy. People seem to be elsewhere when you spend time with them; and I don't know if they have changed or if I am the one who has changed. Packing my bags and moving wouldn't solve nearly as much as I wish it would, the problem still lies with me. I often think about killing myself and seeing it as the only way out, and while I hold that thought still it's not easy to go through with. It is the only way to truly escape the shackles of my own mind; the prison where I've lived for years in. I can hardly go outside anymore and I don't even want to meet my friends. Too many concerns, too much OCD and instabilities. 

The swan sang with a broken neck

Out by the pool, behind the fence

You can't forgive me when

you know if I had the gun I'd chose to shoot again

Doll house

Go tell Aunt Rhody everybodys dead

APPEARANCE:

• I am 5′7″ or taller
• I wear glasses
• I have at least one tattoo
• I have at least one piercing
• I have blonde hair
• I have brown eyes
• I have short hair
• My abs are at least somewhat defined (I wish)
• I have or have had braces
• There is something I would change about the way I look

PERSONALITY:

• My Hogwarts house is: Gryffindor Hufflepuff Ravenclaw Slytherin (did a test for this and got Slytherin so haha)
• I am an introvert
• I like love meeting new people
• People tell me that I’m funny
• Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me
• I enjoy physical challenges
• I enjoy mental challenges
• I’m playfully rude with people I know well
• I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it
• There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY:

• I can sing well
• I can play an instrument
• I can do over 30 pushups without stopping
• I’m a fast runner
• I can draw well
• I have a good memory
• I’m good at doing math in my head
• I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute
• I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling
• I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch
• I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES:

• I enjoy playing sports
• I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else
• I’m in a orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else
• I have learned a new song in the past week
• I work out at least once a week
• I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months
• I have drawn something in the past month
• I enjoy writing
• Fandoms are my #1 passion 

• I do or have done martial arts

EXPERIENCES:

• I have had my first kiss
• I have had alcohol
• I have scored the winning goal in a sports game
• I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting
• I have been at an overnight event
• I have been in a taxi
• I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year.
• I have beaten a video game in one day
• I have visited another country
• I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts

MY LIFE:

• I have at least one person I consider a “best friend”
• I live close to my school
• My parents are still together
• I have at least one sibling
• I live in the United States
• There is snow right now where I live
• I have hung out with a friend outside of school in the past month (I dont go to school atm)
• I have a smartphone
• I have at least 15 CDs
• I share my room with someone

RANDOM SHIT:

• I have breakdanced
• I know a person named Jamie
• I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce
• I have dyed my hair
• I’m listening to one song on repeat right now
• I have punched someone in the past week
• I know someone who has gone to jail
• I have broken a bone
• I have eaten a waffle today
• I know what I want to do with my life
• I speak at least 2 languages fluently
• I have made a new friend in the past year

REVIVAL

I was considering using my Swedish blog to post pictures, but it feels... weird there. I've changed a lot since I made that blog waaay back, and I've written a lot of crap on it that I'm questioning now. Of course these things were obviously important to me back then, but I was immature and naive and somehow think I shouldn't have cared about so much useless bullshit as I did.

Well anyway I might start writing about games again, as well as post shitty artworks, photographs and things. I guess it would be nice to have it one place. So fucking creative!!111111 kappa. Here is my Iplehouse-doll Naoki in her Christmas-outfit taken this night for test:

Life is a velvet crowbar

...hitting you over the head ♪

March peak

In the ending of the Winter and the transition to Spring, there are at least video game news to keep you alive another month. The second chapter in Dreamfall: Chapters is arriving this March, and I am hyped. The first chapter was both visually breathtaking and storywise intriguing, and it ended with a build-up that makes you want to no longer wait for the next part. In all there will be 5 chapters what I know.

Also the DLC for The Evil Within is coming! I am hyped for that as well, learning more about STEM, Ruvik and the story in general. What is the organisation behind Juli Kidman? This game left me with so many questions unanswered, and I am curious about learning even more. It's just the first of three DLC's, even though I find downloadable content as an idea kind of... meh, I am still looking forward to this.

Sooner or later Grand Theft Auto V will be released for PC too. I bought it on PS4 so I probably won't play it on PC but I want to give it to my brother so they should hurry it up.

"It was easy enough to kill yourself in a fit of despair. It was easy enough to play the martyr. It was harder to do nothing. To endure your life. To wait."

I don't feel like doing anything and I feel entirely alone. Which I know I ain't, but I just feel like everyone secretly hates me and thinks I'm an ugly useless person. I don't want to get to know new people, I don't want to suffer even more. If I don't know anyone, they can't abandon me. And I am scared, so scared of that. Being alone scares me, and I don't want others to have that effect on me so I try to distance myself from everyone and everything...

Luckily I can play video games and immerse into worlds unlike this one, that aren't full of shallow people and suffering. I can glorify their worlds as a comfort of being stuck in this one, my own, my prison.

Chinese New Year

I am stoked for these new skins AAHHH

Blue hydrangea

•  1:Do you try to stay away from walkthroughs?
  Only if it's a story driven game, for example Beyond Two Souls or Dreamfall, otherwise I can watch. I usually don't see it all unless I don't plan on playing it soon though.
• 2:Company you're always loyal to?
  None.
• 3:Best game you've ever played?
  Probably Fallout 3, it's a classic. But also Skyrim and many more D: Too many to name.
• 4:Worst game you've ever played?
  I don't actually know. I've played some shitty games but I don't remember their names.
• 5:A popular series/game you just can't get into no matter how much you try?
  Portal. And Mass Effect, but I haven't played that one at all. :(
• 6:A game that's changed you the most?
  I just finished Dragon Age: Inquisition so I can't really think of any other games right now, it affected me so much. I am so sad it ended, I loved that world...
• 7:A game you'll never forget? The Longest Journey / Dreamfall, since I grew up playing them. Also Resident Evil 4 because memories with my brother.
• 8:Best soundtrack?
  Hmm difficult question. The Evil Within had a nice score, but so did Dragon Age.
• 9:A game you turn your volume off every time you play it?
  Only build mode in The Sims 2 got annoying after an hour or so.
• 10:A game you've completely given up on?
  Dead fucking Island. And probably a ton more...
• 11:Hardest game you've played?
  Dead Island and Resident Evil. So annoying.
• 12:Shortest time you've beaten a game in?
  Fallout 3 main-story is really really short.
• 13:A game you were the most excited for when it wasn't released yet?
  Red Dead Redemption and UNCHARTED 3 & 4!
• 14:A game you think would be cool if it had voice acting?
  Most have?
• 15:Which two games do you think would make an awesome crossover?
  Uncharted meets Skyrim? No I don't know hahha.
• 16:Character you've hated most? From what game?
  Maybe someone from The Walking Dead? It had both good and bad characters for a reason. :3
• 17:What game do you never tell people you play?
  A lot of games, unless we reach that subject.
• 18:A game you wish your friends knew about?
  Many smaller games like Postal and Manhunt :D
• 19:Which game do you think deserves a revival?
  I'm unsure.
• 20:What was the first video game you ever played?
  I don't know something when I was a kid. Can't remember which was first.
• 21:How old were you when you first played a video game?
  Too young to remember
• 22:If you could immerse yourself in any game for one day, which game would it be?
  What would you do? Probably Dragon Age Inquisition :3 I would drink with my friends, learn magic and fight cool things. It's such a beautiful world.
• 23:Biggest disappointment you've had in gaming?
  I was quite hyped for Watch Dogs but it wasn't as good as I had imagined.
• 24:Casual, Hardcore, or in the middle?
  Depends if I like a game or not.
• 25:Be honest; have you ever used cheats (like ActionReplay or Gameshark)?
  No but I've used Godmode. :D
• 26:Handheld or console?
  PC or console, depends.
• 27:Has there ever been a moment that has made you cry?
  Yes T_T like when Dragon Age: Inquisition main story ended T_T So sad.
• 28:Which character's clothes do you wish you owned the most?
  Hmm not sure, there are mostly men and the females are always skimpy looking? D;
• 29:Which is more important, gameplay or story?
  I like stories, but if the gameplay sucks then it won't be as enjoyable.
• 30:A game that hasn't been localized in your country that you think should be localized? Uhm no?  There is Steam and such?