Annihilation

Lately I've been finding myself with a lack of time; turns out spending hours in the Rift and Tamriel doesn't actually make you progress in the real world. In retrospect I am not particulary regretful albeit from the fact that my creative outlets have diminished due to time. It's a silly thing - time. Creates mountains of agony and anxiety because you know one day time will end. It's a painful realisation which I find myself unable to cope with. I do not want the ones I love to die and leave me alone in this hellish world. How do people deal with knowing this?

Because I surely can't. To derail thinking about such things there are splendid things such as art, books, videogames, music and film. The latter which I haven't spent much time on lately either. I recently saw Annihilation, the film adaptation based on the book. It's probably the first film in quite awhile that made me continue thinking about it long after it ended. I guess it's interesting how many ways there are to interpret the story - you can align it to disease, depression and even aliens I guess.

These were words from long ago however they remain applicable. Yet almost a year ago now I got to try a new adhd-medicine after not having any success with the ones beforehand, and I went into this without any expectations but they really did change so much. I could paint and draw, something I have always liked but still struggled with, and actually focus. It may sound futile but for someone who hasn't been able to do things they still had interest in nor getting started/finishing things overall it was such a change. I can not stress it enough. Without them I feel sluggish, like I've only slept a few hours, slow and unfocused.

Now in these dark pandemic times I see people behaving as thus I always have - washed my hands excessively. I do wish people would take this more seriously so that we may see an end to these times but I am a bit disappointed... I guess the only right way for me to handle it is to make art with the same emotion these mellow gross times give me. Fare well.

Miss her so much.